"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)

When I was younger I had what might be called "anger issues".

Oh, you wouldn't have known it to look at me. I have always been shy, quiet. The unassuming little girl who liked to read. 

When I was middle-school age I was the one who got picked on because it took a lot to get a rise out of me. My family thought it was because I was even tempered. I was good at "letting things go".

The truth is I excelled at suppressing my anger.

I guess I endured some hurtful things between the ages of 11 and 13. Mean spirited remarks from girls looking to feel better about themselves at an age when everyone is questioning who they are becoming. During this same time I was living the stress at home as my parents divorced. What I didn't even stop to consider were the unresolved issues from being sexually molested as a younger child.

All of this "stuff" was burrowed deep, becoming a subconscious list of wrongs. Each one checked with a little tick by it's box, waiting, until finally one day enough was enough.

I discovered my Inner Ninja in the girls locker room after gym class in Eighth grade.

There was a part of me which felt justified, even glad. I hadn't known the euphemism of "seeing red" was true. Until that day. I didn't hit anyone–exactly. My words cut deeper than anything my fist could have accomplished anyway. The teacher didn't get it. She didn't see. She didn't know or understand. They never did.

And so "The Ninja" was out of the box (so to speak). 

The pattern repeated itself over the years. Letting hurt or irritation fester, not truly addressing problems or releasing frustration until one insignificant thing and then—

Ninja.

Thank God for His mercy, grace, and healing. Thank God, He walks with us, empowering us to overcome our "inner man".

I'll be honest with you.

There are days when I wish I didn't have to be a peacemaker.

There are days when I don't feel up to being loving, forgiving, or kind.

There are days when I wish I could just give it all up. Let loose my Inner Ninja. Say those words on the tip of my tongue. Lash out. Some times, when one too many things is stacked on my plate; I've experienced one too many hurts this world can bring to bear, and I can feel it getting ready.

Waiting to be released on the unsuspecting.

Instead, I take a breath. I step down from my soap box. Quell my moral out-rage. Reign in my "mother bear" instinct or whatever has set off this emotional response. I try to think about who called me to be a peacemaker—and loving—and forgiving—and merciful—and kind. I don't always succeed, but most times I remember to ask for HIS help. HIS strength. HIS forgiveness.

I seek HIS grace to overcome whatever it is I am unable to let go on my own. I yield to HIS help in laying that burden (because that's what it is) aside.

And when I do, He responds with peace.

Every time.