The Imperfect Quest for Perfection
July 19, 2010 by kristinemac
Filed under Life Stuff
As I was working on my book today (a bigger, more comprehensive version of Escaping the Cauldron) I was thinking about how I got myself into the legalistic trap of trying to be "perfect" and ultimately led to my crisis of faith ten years ago. Why did I become consumed with the idea of being the ideal representative of Christ as a wife and mother? When did I go from understanding and accepting God's gift of grace and confuse it with a performance based religion rooted in perfection and legalism?
I have come to believe there were multiple contributing factors but two have really come to mind which bear consideration.
The first is that when I got married I unconsciously made it my personal mission to have a successful relationship…something my parents (for a variety of reasons) were unable to achieve. Knowing the odds were against my marriage (Thom and I are both from divorced homes, only 50% of marriages are successful, etc) made me determined not to be a statistic.
The second is the desire to "experience" God as the foundation of my faith. Now, don't get me wrong, as Christians we do enjoy a dynamic relationship with Jesus Christ and through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit can certainly be at the very center of His presence through worship, prayer, bible study, etc. However, there are times (sometimes extended periods which include difficulties or trials) when we do not "experience" God's presence. This is when our faith must come into play, grounded by our understanding of scripture and who God is based on His revealed word. However, I realize now I became convinced that if I wasn't "feeling" God's presence in my life (spiritually connected every day) I was some how making Him angry. Additionally, through misapplying scripture (taking it out of context, etc) I became mired in a kind of works based legalism, seeking to be "perfect". I was going to be the perfect Christian, have the perfect marriage, raise other perfect Christians and then I would certainly always "feel" connected to God.
I certainly hope you see the inherent problem with this reasoning.
Nobody is or can be perfect. If we could then the law would have been sufficient to cover our sins and there would have been no need for Jesus. This is where grace comes in. God knows there is no way we can match His perfection so through the death and resurrection of His Son we are covered by our Savior's perfect righteousness. We do try to live, day by day, in obedience to God's will and word.
We seek to "be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect" all the while knowing it is the Holy Spirit within us which gives us the ability and strength to live as we should and the grace when we fail. The problem comes when we lose sight of the grace.
Life as a Christian is not always easy and we certainly make our fair share of mistakes. I'm so glad that as I imperfectly walk day by day toward the end result of perfection in Christ, the grace and love of God covers me and shows me the way.
200x300-30days.gif)
