Free to Forgive

Today is "Wifey Wednesday" over at Sheila Gregoire's blog To Love, Honor, and Vaccum, and the day when she takes a look at marriage, what it means to be a wife, how to handle issues in marriage, etc. Today she is taking a look at when the wife is the one who's caused the problem in the marriage. It's a good article so go take a look!

I also want to address marriage relationships today and yes I know it's a cliche and I've said it before but I'm going to say it again. 

Marriage is a tough gig.

I don't care how perfectly matched you and your beloved are or how "destiny" was involved in your pairing…issues will invariably come up. They do for every couple. Whether it's got to do with money, meeting emotional or spiritual needs, how to raise the kids, or simply who's going to take out the garbage, living with another person is not always easy. Circumstances arise, choices are made, words are said (or not). So invariably at some point every relationship goes through a series of "rough patches" or simply become disinclined to remain together. If you are in doubt about this, check out this article about couples (such as Al and Tipper Gore) who've been married for over forty years who are now deciding to divorce and "move on".

In her post today, Sheila is specifically addressing issues which arise because the wife has made some kind of choice…involved herself in an affair (whether emotional or physical), drifted away from her husband by separating her interest and life from his, become critical or complaining, etc., and what can a woman do who wants to save the marriage. 

My own perspective comes from having gone through five years of separation and near divorce before my husband and I were both able to find our way to God and a new understanding of what it actually means to be married.

Forgiveness.

When my husband and I were separated and contemplating divorce (the last of several such difficult times) I came to a point of realization in my own life. No matter what my husband or I had done to mess up our marriage, restoration would never be possible until I could recognize and forgive myself for the role I played in the debacle and give the whole mess to God, allowing me to then also forgive my husband. 

No man is an island and no one person is ever completely responsible for the difficulties in a relationship (barring any kind of traumatic abuse whether emotional, physical, or spiritual). A husband and wife are in a marriage together, no matter how tempting it may be to place the blame (especially when it comes to infidelity) on one spouse.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

I know that this verse is not specifically meant for husbands and wives, but I believe it's just as important to utilize this scriptural principle in our marriages as it is for any relationship, perhaps even more so. God's grace and mercy gives us a freedom we otherwise could not enjoy outside of our relationship with Jesus Christ. 

The freedom to forgive as we have been forgiven.

If we will approach difficult or challenging times in marriage (even those times of hurt or betrayal) with a Colossians 3:13 understanding of forgiveness, then perhaps we could begin to see more marriages restored rather than fail within the church.

Forgiveness is not always easy, however it is God's call and plan for our lives to be people of mercy, grace, and love, and forgiveness. If we will remember God is our strength, He will honor our willingness to forgive as we move forward in obedience and also work in our hearts toward restoration and healing…and do so within our spouse as well. I know there are never any guarantees for marriages experiencing troubled times to make it but forgiveness and obedience to God's will at least gives marriage a fighting chance.