Strong Relationships Require Intimacy

I was over at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum today for Wifey Wednesday where Sheila Gregoire devotes the topic to helping marriages. Today the topic was about sex and the expectations (there is that word again!) we tend to bring into it, especially when we are first married. 

There is a myth that once your married you'll know exactly what your husband needs to feel good about himself, satisfy him in the most passionate of ways, and experience total bliss all at the same time. Some how, once you've said your vows, you'll become an expert on the art of being the perfect wife, lover, and mother.

Don't believe me? Watch any romance filled chick flick or read any novel geared toward women's fantasies of the perfect love. Every virgin suddenly knows exactly what they are doing when it comes to love making and it's the most amazing thing ever.

Uh yeah. Right.

The reality is there is much more to sex than the physical act, which is why it should be reserved for the marriage bed. In my view, there is one thing that is the most important aspect in the relationship between a husband and wife (which finds one form of expression through sex) and that is intimacy.

So what exactly is intimacy? How is it defined?

Well, first of all it is found in a close, warm friendship. You have to like and respect the person your married to if your going to be in an intimate relationship with him or her for longer than twenty minutes. After all, marriage is supposed to be a "till death do you part" kind of arrangement.

Second would to be having the courage to be totally authentic with your spouse. Take down emotional barriers with that one person who is your mate. 

Most importantly, taking time to learn about each other and what makes the other person happy, sad, glad, teary, joyful, sappy, giggly, annoyed, peaceful. I don't mean just through the dating process but as part of your marriage relationship.

Intimacy is trusting your whole self…heart, mind, body..to your husband or wife for life in a faithful covenant. Which explains why such things as abuse and pornography as well as separation and divorce are so destructive to the individuals it affects. Intimacy is what binds two hearts as one and brings more than a simple physical act into the marriage bed. It is a sacred gift which makes sex between a husband and wife so satisfying when it is experienced as God intended.

I have news for you too…it takes years to build intimacy. A marriage is a long term, day by day journey. When understood and approached in this way, a husband and wife have the possibility of learning, growing, changing, and being together for a life-time. It takes work, study, steady persistence…and letting go of preconceived ideas or expectations of not only what it means to be a husband or wife, but what sex and romance look like as well.

When I was first married I would compare how my husband treated or cared for me by what I heard other women say about their husbands, watching movies and television programs, and by reading books, rather than learning what intimacy and romance looked like for our relationship. The change for the better didn't begin until I through out all those old ideas and really began to learn who my husband is and he who I am as well. We didn't begin to grow as a couple until we understood intimacy and the meaning of covenant relationship. 

Learn who your husband is and how to respond to him. Allow him to learn about you. Let go of old notions of romance or expectations and foster true intimacy in your relationship in all areas of your life together. You may be surprised to discover how satisfying all areas of your relationship (and yes that includes the physical one) can truly be.

Technorati Tags: friendship, Human behavior, Human Interest, Human sexuality, Interpersonal relationships, Intimacy, love, Romance, Sexual intercourse, Sheila Gregoire, Social psychology, The Act of Marriage