R.E.S.P.E.C.T (Exploring Submission in Marriage)
March 23, 2010 by kristinemac
Filed under Life Stuff, Marriage
My friend, Sue Cramer (well known for creating Praise and Coffee), wrote an excellent blog today about being a helper to our husband as God created us to be. She challenged us as women to look in the mirror.
Well, I decided to take her up on that challenge and think about what it means to be a helper to our husbands and how…yikes…submission fits into that role. I know this can be a tricky topic but let's take a look at some of the verses which touch upon the subject of marriage, and more specifically our role as wives:
"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
God knew man would need a companion, someone to walk through this life with him and so he created woman with the design that one man and one woman would share their lives together. Woman was to be man's helper. A helper is one who supports or gives assistance. In some instances a helper is one who rescues or saves. Have you ever considered the possibility that God used you specifically as a wife to help rescue or save your husband in some way? Gives one pause doesn't it?
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)
I realize that because we live in a world of sin there are many women who have husbands who do not fulfill their role by loving them as Christ loves the church. However, I have discovered (and it's taken me years as well as a near divorce to figure this out!) as I move more and more into my role as a wife by being a helper to my husband, he treats me as a valuable treasure in his life.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
Ephesians 5:22-23 (NLT)
I know some women find these verses from Ephesians difficult. I certainly did. I was so chafed by the idea of biblical submission as a younger woman that I refused to say the words "honor and obey" to my husband in our wedding vows. I had them removed. Sadly this proved itself out in our marriage in a lack of respect for the man I'd married and a need to control our relationship.
So what does it mean to "submit to" or "obey" our husbands?
As I've already hinted I think it boils down to respect. Does a wife hold her husband in esteem? Does she trust him to make good decisions for her and their family or to be faithful? Does she use her words to build him up or tear him down?
You see I never realized when I would take control by making all the financial decisions, questioning my husbands methods of disciplining the kids, or make plans without having the courtesy to consult him first I was not being a helper in our marriage. I was not treating him with respect. Even if my words were positive, building him up as a husband and father, if I didn't back up these words with actions by trusting him enough to let him lead then my words were empty. They were meaningless because I didn't trust him enough to let him be my husband as God designed.
I still have a long way to go in learning how to be a helper to my husband. I confess I still struggle with being willing to .(gulp)…submit… to him as the leader of our marriage and family. However, I have found the more I do the more he is willing to be the leader. The more he listens to and values my input or advice on a situation. He values me as his wife as I trust and respect (submit to) him as my husband.
Here is one final verse and thought:
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
Matthew 18:19-20
I don't know about you but I have never thought about applying this verse to my marriage but of course it does! When we are united to our husband, and equally yoked as believers in Christ, we have the promise that God is in the midst of our union. This was a real eye opener to me and honestly creates in me a desire to have a relationship with my husband as it's designed by God to be enjoyed.
There can be true freedom for us as Christian wives in the understanding of submission to our husbands as part of our design as his helper through the actions and attitude of respect…if we are willing to see it.
So now it's YOUR turn! Have you "looked into the mirror" as Sue suggests in her blog? Have you explored the issue of being your husband's helper?
200x300-30days.gif)
Good for you for tackling this. I can so relate (too well) to your trouble with NOT being submissive. Been right there with you – but struggling to fight my way out of a lot of lies and cultural pressures to be something I'm not even designed to be!!! The closer I get to Jesus, the easier it is for me to be THE WOMAN He made me, and then being my husband's WIFE & HELPER becomes so much easier – and yes, even more fulfilling!!!
You are so right. I think it's safe to say that God's design for marriage is the best and when we press into our relationship with Jesus the more comfortable we are in being who we were meant to be within our marriage relationship.
Wow Kristine, great post!!! I love what you said and plan to add a link to this on the bottom of my post- excellent!
Thank you for expounding on this so powerfully!
Sue
Hey Sue! You were the one who challenged me to really think about this topic more deeply so thank YOU
Amen! This was a wonderful post and a lesson that I too, had to learn. Thanks for dealing with the sticky topics. The world needs to hear what the Word has to say and to see what Christ has created for us to enjoy!
Thank you Stephanie. I think what you said is so right…this is what has been created for us to enjoy and meant to be freeing in our relationships. Not always easy for we modern American women to see