Living with Each Others Differences

You know, God did a very interesting thing when He created marriage.  He put two very different kinds of people…a man and a woman…together to co-exist.  What makes it interesting is how very different men and women can be from one another. I suppose that's why when one man and one woman come together in marriage…the two become one.

I'm not going to go over the many differences between how men and women process information, communicate, the roles they play in a marriage relationship…not this time.  No this time I'm going to talk about something which has boggled the minds of many a married couple.

How does a messy person live with one who is fastidious?  A pack rat paired with a neat-nik?  The answer I have found in my own relationship is this…be willing to compromise, let go of your own definitions of clean or messy, and never let either a too clean or too messy house become a bone of contention between you.

I had a friend in college who was a messy pack rat.  She married while still in college.  Both she and her husband were friends of mine and they still lived on campus, so I would go to visit her every other week or so.  I remember one day going over  to see her and finding her in tears.  Her house was a wreck…per usual…and she was sitting amidst the clutter with a shiny wet face looking completely forlorn.  She'd been to the house of a recently married friend who was also in college, working, and I think expecting a baby…and her house was spotless.

My friend confessed to me she didn't know how other people managed to keep their houses neat because she simply couldn't do it.  Her house was clean, but cluttered. Laundry was sitting in baskets…folded, not put away.  Papers were piled in neat stacks.  Clean dishes remained in the drying stand.  Being a college student as well as newly married, she simply didn't have the time to get everything done…not to mention their tiny apartment with all of their combined "stuff" was simply bursting at the seams.

I asked her the obvious question…did any of this bother her husband?  She said no and if it did he'd clean things up himself.  So I told her she needed to acknowledge her limits and stop judging her life based on others.  I think that's a lesson we can all learn from honestly.

Husbands and wives need to compromise with each other in many areas and being tidy or messy is one of them.  A neat freak married to a slob cannot expect that person to completely amend their sloppy behavior to meet their more strict requirements.  Couples need to be willing to reach an agreement and work together in a peaceful manner to find solutions when it comes to living together.

For instance…my husband used to leave his socks or shirt lying all over the house when he get home from work and it drove me bonkers.  I'd constantly be picking up after him and it would make me angry.  Eventually, however, what I learned to do was talk to him about the irritation.  He proposed a solution.  He would deposit the clothing in the bedroom hamper.  Some times it was the end of the day…but it always ended up there.  In this way, we were able to reach an agreement without a  major meltdown.

Communication is always the key when dealing with the differences between people in a relationship.  Calmly…without accusation or finger pointing…discuss those little things like the stacks of paper that never seem to make it to a file cabinet or laundry that never gets folded or put away.  Be willing to understand your spouse may simply see things differently and yield on things that in the long run…aren't truly as important as we make them out to be.

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